“Waiting is a time of ripening.”
– Lara Casey, Cultivate
These words and many others from this reading encouraged me today. This idea that flawed thinking (a falsehood or story I tell myself) triggers strong emotions which lead to inevitbale actions. Who knew our thoughts could be so powerful?
I’ve been waiting for the right time to introduce this new platform – Be Strong Mom – to friends, and on social media for a long time. Just waiting. and waiting. and waiting.
I’ve waited for what felt like the “right time” – the perfect words – the consistent writing to start, to take off, and then maybe I would finally share it.
I tell friends I’m just waiting for more time: time to write, to schedule posts, to take pictures (fill in the blank), but the truth is that there’s an inner story unfolding that’s more sinister than that, and it goes something along the lines of: you’ve waited too long. it’s too late; the ship has sailed; you missed your chance. You’re not organized enough, or posting enough or sharing enough. You don’t know enough about blogging anymore (who blogs away) and your life is too crazy, too full to share anything; and who wants to hear about this kind of thing anyway.
That doesn’t quite get you motivated to jump out with a new idea, does it? It doesn’t build confidence or have any faith that what this is, might be something; even if something is simply a really good outlet for myself; a place to connect with others; an opportunity to do something I love (write).
The author of the post that encouraged me says to replace flawed thinking with the truth.
What is the REAL story? Tell yourself the truth.
Well, the truth: I’m living “be strong mom” every day whether I’m writing and sharing about it or not. Even though I do long to share more of our story, the timing hasn’t been right. My hands have been full with other things, none of which are WORTH trading for a shiny, new blog. I have a new baby! A squishy, sweet, lovable boy. And I’m having the most wonderful, full days tending to him. We’ve sold our condo and moved into our dream home: refinished beautifully with an open concept, a deck and barn we plan to make into a kick-ass home gym. And, you know what else? I have a crazy, smiley, goof-ball toddler who demands all my attention! He says “Mama” a hundred times a day, and blows me kisses and gives me hugs. His smile, his chatter, his happiness far exceeds any perfectly unveiled, well-kept blog or social share.
The truth is that, perhaps, waiting is a time of ripening. And all this time I’ve waited (and wished) I could get my blog back up and running, maybe, has been a time of growth and maturing. A season of new motherhood, two times over! I’d say there’s been some ripening for sure.
“Birth is not only about making babies, it’s about making mothers ~ strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and believe in their inner strength.”
I’m not quite there yet, there’s still some ripening to do!
So maybe I haven’t been twiddling my thumbs and neglecting this new chapter after all. I haven’t been sharing and I haven’t been very social, but my story is still my story whether I’m telling it or not.
This flawed thinking is fueled by social media, reading about others’ stories, seeing their shares and comparing where they are, what they’re doing with where I am! I love the quote, comparison is the thief of joy.
Rather than beating myself up for not doing x, y, z sooner or more consistently, I have to trust that I’m right where I’m supposed to be, moving at the pace intended. Even if that’s in the wait.
Of course that makes me think of pregnancy. Being in the wait with new life on the inside! I got to experience full-term with Caden and that lovely wait at the end: when you’re so ready, but yet not ready. Some of my favorite memories of my big, huge belly at 38 and 39 weeks – laid up with my feet on the couch. Sure, by society’s standards that wasn’t “productive” and it wasn’t “picture perfect,” or even “share worthy,” but was it a place I needed to be? Something I needed to experience? Something I now treasure. Absolutely.
So in the wait now, with all the idea I want to birth, I’m holding onto where I’m at and fighting back those mistruths I tell myself.
What story are you telling yourself? Are there any flase truths in there? What are the facts?
Photos by my good friend Jen Harkleroad.
