Fit Bride, Amber // My Ode to Everything I Miss

AmberProfileSo what things do I miss since being on this diet??? There are so many things… I miss coffee (well, really, French vanilla creamer), pizza, alcohol, burgers and fries, pasta, rice, sandwiches, mozzarella sticks, breakfast sandwiches, and nachos!
To be totally honest, football season hasn’t been the same. I used to drink beer and eat nachos, fries, and pizza! I mean everything good! Last time we watched a football I was knocking back water like it was giving me a buzz. Lol!  I had meatballs, brussel sprouts and jalapeño poppers. (Not bad; I could have 3 jalapeño poppers for 20g of carbs and I LOVE jalapeño poppers!) It all sounds rather boring, but that is my life. Trying to lose the weight and I didn’t deprive myself. Sure, I missed the alcohol, but I didn’t starve and the game was just as fun!

My Old Morning Routine

In the morning I used to stop by Wawa on my way to work. I would get a coffee ¾ full of regular coffee, ¼ full of French vanilla creamer and 2 sweet and lows. While I can have sweet and low AND coffee french vanilla creamer has 5g of carbs in a tablespoon. Thats right, not in a cup — in a tablespoon! Well I am sure I used to drink 20g of carbs just with breakfast and that’s not all I would get from Wawa.

Wawa has these sandwiches right in the front when you get ready to leave. When I first started stopping there I would get the sausage biscuit with egg and cheese. I think it had like 600 calories and was 70% of my saturated fat for the day but do you think I cared?? I would always say “well if that’s all I eat for breakfast and I can last a little while, its not that bad.” After awhile the whole “thick biscuit” thing got to me and I started getting the ham, egg and cheese croissant. That’s right, I graduated from ridiculous to much worse! Oh and don’t think they didn’t have the turkey sausage, egg white or English muffin option. That’s for ridiculous people, not someone like me. That’s for healthy people who don’t mind eating cardboard, not Amber! It’s interesting when you look back and all your unhealthy eating. Just this weekend I had a craving for a breakfast sandwich so I went by Roy Rogers and got a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit. I ate 3 bites and it was soooo greasy, I knew it was bad. After the 4th bite (not even half way through the sandwich) I threw it away. It messed up my stomach so bad I knew my health has just changed. I can’t shovel the same crap into my mouth that I used to. And I shouldn’t!!

Burger King was my like one a week meal plan. At least once a week. I would get a whopper and cut it in half, double up the meat and get rid of half of the bread. I always thought to myself “I am cutting carbs…this isn’t bad” Many who know me know that used to be one of my tricks…eating a burger with only half of a bun. But did that stop me from eating the fries?? No…that’s like a balanced meal right? Burger and fries?? Getting a salad as a side was DEPRIVING myself! Oh the horror!!

As I look at the list above I think will I ever eat those foods again.

I remember when I did this liquid diet a couple of years ago I thought to myself….oh well my appetite is going to change. I wont want as much food as I ate before so I wont go to wendys and get a single combo AND 5 nuggets as a meal. I will only eat smaller portions as my body wont be used to all that food. Well 6 months later I was at Wendy’s so that isn’t the right way to look at it. I have to face the fact that some things I just can’t eat ever again.

But my eating has changed so much and honestly, I am really proud of myself. I spent a good hour in the grocery store last Friday looking at tons of labels and making sure I had lots of good options in my carb range to get me through the week. And honestly,  I don’t want to go back to where I was. I don’t want to say “fuck it” and just eat something I shouldn’t. I want to be one of those people who eats healthy and feels guilty if I have a miniature snickers! I want to be one of those people who doesn’t look like “oh that is just too healthy, let me get something fattening.”

While I am definitely making progress, I am not there yet. For 30 years I haven’t had the self control to not partake in something I wanted, especially since college. When I look back I think that’s why I gained 60 pounds between high school and college. I could do whatever I wanted. I could go out to eat. I had money to buy junk and when I found out about drinking, MAN that was a mistake! I knew I was gaining weight but I didn’t care. Even though I felt shame, even though I couldn’t watch music videos because I felt fat, I still ate. Self-medicated I guess is what they call it.

But as we all know, everyone has to indulge every now and then. I hear people say to eat 80% clean and 20% actually I don’t know what they say but 20% cheat is what I am thinking. I definitely don’t want to do that. I am still in my infancy. I am going to allow myself a nice cheat meal when I lose 20 pounds — we’ll go out, have a nice meal, maybe a drink or two, and not worry about it. The next day I will get back on that horse and I will keep on my journey. That’s the plan!




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