Fit Bride, Amber // Some Journaling Before the Start

Before Amber shared her desire to blog for the website, she started journaling. She wrote down her deepest, sometimes darkest feelings about herself, her weight, and her desire to get fit. For me, personally, reading this was gut-wrenching… Amber is not only my sister-in-law, but my friend and I hate to see a friend down on herself. Then again, I know where she’s coming from. I’ve been there, too… feeling overweight, defeated, and stuck. 
Amber: Thank you for sharing this. I know you will be an inspiration to someone going through the same thing! 

AmberProfileNovember 20th

As I wake up on November 20 I realize that I feel super bloated so I decided to go to weigh myself for the first time in weeks and I get on the scale of course, there’s a number on there that I’m just not ready to face. This has gotten out-of-hand.

My resolve is now determination that I will allow my sister-in-law to provide me whatever type of diet she wants to give me into 2015 — I’ve got to do something about my weight because I refuse to look this bad forever. It’s no longer just about the wedding, it’s about me getting in shape and not having cellulite and not feeling like crap all the time.

I’m sick of being the big girl at the party… sick of being the one who never wants to go to the pool or never wants to travel anywhere cause I don’t want to be seen in a bathing suit. I’m 30 years old at this point time and if I’m not going to do it, when I turn 30 and when I’m getting married, then when am I going to do it?

I have the perfect person, the perfect occasion, and it’s time.

Time to get serious and get this weight off. I don’t want to die.

November 21st

I don’t even know if I can call today my first day or not but I wanted to write down my thoughts anyway. About 2 weeks ago my brother came over and got ready to sit where I usually sit on the couch. He immediately got up and said he knew the seat was mine because it was dented in. I felt awful that I am that fat but I am that fat. No matter how much I want to deny it… I am. There is definitely a dent in the bed where I lay, too, and maybe skinny people leave dents but honestly I just hate feeling like my fat is in the way. I need to get my life together asap. I need to get serious because I am honestly disgusting. Honestly I am. I need to lose weight and stop making excuses asap. Seriously… I need to do something…

November 23rd

So I definitely started out the day with good intentions but, I was starving by the time we got to breakfast and, being so hungry, noticed they had this full breakfast option on the menu that came with french toast. I love big breakfasts with french toast! I got it and when it came out, it was that nasty challah stuff (not a fan). But still, it got me thinking: why am I so messed up that taking away things I love seems impossible? Like, french toast, really? And, I ate it. All of it. 

For dinner I did better. I ordered ate a single piece of turkey meatloaf (one square out of 6) some rice pilaf, broccoli, and a biscuit from Red Lobster. So all in all not bad. And even though I had half a glass of wine and a mixed drink, I think it was a good day. I just needed a workout and it would have been acceptable. And, of course, maybe next time I can make a better decision at breakfast (no french toast).

November 28th

I’m feeling the worst I have ever felt. I feel completely bloated, I have gained 3 pounds and honestly I have no reason why. I didn’t think I overdid it this much, but apparently I have. I feel fat. I feel like a house. I have to do something. First step is joining SoldierFit on Monday, but my eating is the issue I have to change immediately. It’s 80 percent what you eat and 20 percent how much you work out. I know that. Food is the problem. I can’t eat like I want to. I have to change the way eat. Immediately.

December 7th

I’ve spent the last week being sick. It was awful. I didn’t eat much, which was good, but as soon as I started feeling better and had a chance to eat, I went overboard. Friday I had a Starbucks sausage and cheese sandwich (bad) and a grande non-fat caramel macchiato. Then for lunch I had a long island (can you tell I was feeling better?), potato skins, chicken wings, and a half a caesar salad. Dinner was probably the worst: a few more drinks (champagne, an espresso martini, and two miller lights), french toast (again!), eggs scramble with cheese, sausage, and hash browns… Need I go on!!! Awful. Just awful.

December 10th

While I try to do better I still have a day where I don’t do better. I went to McDonalds and Noodles and Company. In total I know I’ve had way too many calories today… a Mocha Frappe from McDonalds and cheese bread from Noodles and Company… Am I even trying? I need to get my life together.

Have you ever felt like you needed to get your life together? 

Have you ever felt completely down on yourself?

Have you ever thought long and hard about what you ought to do, but actually doing it felt impossible?  

Let’s all give Amber a virtual high five for facing these feelings head-on and fighting for the change she so desperately longs for, and for being brave enough to share those thoughts here and let others who might be feeling the same know they’re certainly not alone. (Also, spoiler: Amber turns things around soon! So excited to share her progress!) 




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  1. Amber wrote:

    Its so interesting to read these! I was so foolish just a few months ago and thought I could eat ANYTHING apparently! While I sat there and beat up on myself I still didn’t change anything. Talk about the queen of excuses!! One thing is for sure…..I will never go back to that depression, anger, and shame. I refuse to be a victim of food any longer!!

    Posted 2.10.15 Reply
    • Sara wrote:

      We all beat up on ourselves! In fact, when I wrote out the question “Have you ever thought long and hard about what you ought to do, but actually doing it felt impossible? A lightbulb went off for me on several things I’ve been procrastinating about! I think sometimes there is a mental process that has to take place before a physical one; sometimes for too long, sure, but we all fall victim to overthinking! LOVE your honesty in this post. Thank you for sharing it with us! <3

      Posted 2.10.15 Reply
  2. Debbie wrote:

    Amber—you can do this. Stock your fridge and lunchbox with some healthy items and steer clear of eating out for a few weeks. Fill your evenings up with fitness classes so you are too busy to be bored and eat out of boredom. 🙂 Keep blogging and journaling so you can see the trends. And if you MUST go to McDonald’s, order a kids meal. Less calories and you’ll still get the fix you were looking for.

    Posted 2.10.15 Reply
    • Amber wrote:

      Thanks Debbie! The kids meal is a great idea! It has definitely been a struggle trying to find those healthy things to eat as I am not that creative and have relied solely on fast food and high fat things I grew up eating. I am definitely getting there but it is one day at a time!! Thanks for the motivation!!

      Posted 2.11.15 Reply
  3. Cherie wrote:

    The mental fight for me has always been the hardest part of enduring my fitness goals. Amber, you are so stinkin’ brave! I’m so proud of you and your vulnerability. Kick butt this week, you got it!


    Posted 2.11.15 Reply
    • Amber wrote:

      Thanks Cherie!!! I appreciate it!!

      Posted 2.11.15 Reply
    • Sara wrote:

      Love your encouraging spirit, Cherie!

      Posted 2.11.15 Reply
  4. […] my life changed on so many levels. I remember when I first starting writing these journal entries I used to feel like shit! I used to beat up on myself all the time. And in just 3 months so much has changed. I have lost 35 […]

    Posted 4.28.15 Reply
  5. […] have also mentioned that my self esteem was very low when I was heavier (just take a look back at my first few posts). I also mentioned a few weeks ago that my self esteem hasn’t changed much as I focus on the […]

    Posted 4.21.17 Reply
  6. […] back with more journal entries from my sister-in-law Amber. To those of you who commented on her last post, thank you! Your encouragement is incredible and the reason I love this community so much! This […]

    Posted 4.24.17 Reply