When I first started keeping this journal and writing down how I felt about being overweight I was 231 lbs. I keep remembering that number because I never want to forget where I was or what it felt like to be that size.
20 days on this program and I am now 218 lbs! That’s definitely progress!
However, I have to admit, some of those old feelings of inadequacy are popping up. Even though I haven’t been this size for at least 2 years, I feel like I need to lose more. A lot more. This is knowing it wouldn’t be healthy to lose this weight any fast than I currently am.
It’s not all about the weight, though, right? This is a lifestyle change. With that said, I want to share a non-scale victory with you:
Today was the first day I declined happy hour with about 15 of my coworkers.
YAY! (This = major progress)
They were celebrating a friend of mine getting a promotion and a new person starting. Happy hour was scheduled for Glory Days… I love Glory Days! But as soon as I saw the invite, I knew I didn’t want to go. I am still too “new” to this lifestyle change to even want to mess it up by going to happy hour. Sure some say to just go and not drink, but that’s not me. Some say just have one drink, but that’s too hard, too. If I learned ANYTHING from my trip to Orlando, it is that alcohol can ruin EVERYTHING I have done to lose weight. Not to mention, it would take more than a single drink for me to really have fun at happy hour. I am an experienced drinker, which is definitely the reason I am the size I am… I think my whole life I’ve been overstimulating myself with things like alcohol; always going overboard and indulging (wanting to get the worst [yet most delicious] thing on the menu). Probably in an attempt to make myself feel better about myself, but really just making matters worse.
I’ve realized that at least right now I’m not at the point yet where I can be go to happy hour and not drink or be tempted to throw in the towel. And that’s OK.
I’ve also realized I need to let go of what others think of me, especially if I expect to really change my lifestyle. Everyone was on me about not going, of course. I think they look and me think, “What is one happy hour going to do? You’re already huge!” They’ve seen me lose weight and gain it back. I doubt they think I’m taking this seriously this time, but I am trying this time. And at the end of the day, they can think what they want. They aren’t going through this weight loss journey with me, they aren’t as invested in me as I am; they probably don’t care about how I’ll look in my wedding dress but I do! Right now they’re just worried about the big girl who likes to go out, have fun, and drink. They aren’t really concerned about my goals and ambitions. Those that do understand, know why I’m not there.
A New Perspective
Months ago I literally cried because I felt as if I had no friends. No one wanted to hang out with me….no one wanted to do happy hour. Brandon has been working this evening shift for awhile so I felt so lonely just coming home to myself, like no one cared. Of course I attributed it to me being fat…. me not being the pretty, fun girl. But my outlook has changed. Now I look forward to coming home after work and working out. I look forward to staying motivated to lose weight. I look forward to hibernating so I can just wow everyone with my weight loss. I am so determined you guys!! I am so focused. I refuse to let anything get in my way! And as upset as I was last week for gaining weight while traveling due to the alcohol, it was a learning lesson that means a lot more now because I’m making the change. Now I know just how damaging a single happy hour can be!
All of this reminds me that God is good!! Even when you don’t see what’s happening, He is working in your life. I was so down in the dumps last year and literally had no self confidence. I beat myself for everything and felt like I had nothing. But God put the persona doctors commercial come on for me to see it that day. God bought the right people in my life so I have support. I see Him in all this — there have been times of weakness in the car when I am on the way home and I just think “let me get something to take home… I want a snack” and God makes my phone ring or the line is too long. I can leave work and think “I have no energy to workout, I should have done it in the morning!” Then for some reason, as soon as I get home and walk up 3 flights of steps I feel energy take over me and I can’t wait to change into my workout clothes!
God has been with me every step of the way and I feel as if this is my time.
This is my time to grow up, stop making excuses, and to focus on what really matters. Joel Osteen always says that God has something waiting for you — something HUGE! He is going to cause a breakthrough in your life; you just have to be patient.
Honestly, I feel like God has been preparing me for 2015. Brandon’s job. My job. My new house. The wedding. And finally, this weight loss. I won’t let any happy hour stand in my way. ☺
Have you had to turn down friends for dinner or happy hour because you’re trying to make a lifestyle change?
Do you feel like God is guiding your efforts to live healthier?
JUST JOINING US?